I usually like this time of the year, but something is wrong. I’m too depressed, not excited, don’t want to see anyone or do anything. Maybe I don’t believe this reality still.
Last year of high school was awful.
My “father” kicked me out of his house, then I moved back to my mother’s house. She was in another city, so everything changed in two days. School was the most important for me. My friends, teachers.
I signed up for a new high school, which was disgusting. I was crying my ass off every morning to not to go there. I obviously needed a high school diploma but, It was a real torture for me. Not just mental, I was feeling real pain in my chest. The drowning feeling. My mom was alone, and she was struggling too. I was a mess. All I did was eating and sleeping.
I gained 40 kilograms in 6 months, I was hurting myself, I closed all my social accounts, deleted everything, felt like garbage.
In 2017 I was 112 kilograms. Binge eating, not using my meds correctly, always angry and sad, kept cutting myself.
I never had a good relationship with food because of my useless piece of shit, “father”. He had a problem with me and how I look since I was little. He called me chubby, bear, fat. He told me that anyone will hire me or love me or like me looking like this, and I wasn’t THAT fat before.
In mid-2017, I tried to kill myself. At that time I haded a boyfriend. I called him from the emergency room that day. He didn’t believe me. He was adorable.
In 2017 summer, he cheated on me with 3 girls and lied after. Classic right?
She gained and problematic, fuck 4 years, and find another one. Just like Khalid.
When I heard this, I was devastated. I felt worthless once again. I was 112 kilograms, way too depressed and alone. What I was hoping for?
I didn’t leave him, he left and blocked me from everywhere you can think of.
2017 was a shitty year.